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Hello everyone, and thank you for coming today
to honor Barbara Jean Brooking. My name is Donna Clover, and I welcome
you on behalf of my friend Jean and her family. Also speaking today will
be Jean's close friends Sue Alexander and Tracy Smarrella, and her friend
and stepdaughter Michelle Brooking Cuscino.
For my part, I'd like to thank Jean's family for the honor of being allowed
to share my thoughts and memories of this extraordinary individual. I
believe that I am being allowed to speak because my grammar are so well.
Also, there are very high hopes that I won't dissolve in a torrent of
tears, well, let's keep that good thought! However, I am prepared with
an industrial sized hanky to get me through. Seriously though, my words
today are simple and I know they lack the eloquence that Jean so deserves,
but, if it counts for anything, they are truly heartfelt.
Her family here today includes her husband Jim; her daughters Michele Morrison
and Diana Poirier, and Diana's husband Francois; and Jim's daughter Michelle
Cuscino, and her husband Rick. Others who were not able to attend, but I feel
I must mention because of Jean's love for them include her mother Helen, and
step-father Pierre, who couldn't make the journey from Alberta; her oldest daughter,
Peggy Lovell, also in Alberta; her son-in-law Dan Morrison who is home with
a back injury and small children - worrisome combination that, and her stepson
Jim and his wife. I won't name all her gaggle of grandchildren. I will just
tell you that she adored all of them. And finally, last but not least, her furry
child EllyMae, a magnificent greyhound that Jim and Jean rescued…the apple
of her Mom and Dad's eye.
Let us remember that though we gather in sorrow, we are here to celebrate the
joy of Jean's life and the magnificence of her spirit. There is a Hebrew proverb
that goes: "say not in grief he is no more, but live in thankfulness that
he was." Let's make this a thanksgiving that Jean was.
Over this past week or so, I've had several calls from people who just needed
to tell me how fondly they remembered Jean. One person shared a little story
that really touched me, and it was so very, very "Jean" that I'd like
to share it with you. The woman recounted that she hadn't seen Jean for many
years, and ran into her, out and about, several years ago. She said Jean greeted
her with a hug, and, of course, that beautiful smile and those sparkling eyes,
and then asked about the woman's two sons by name, and actually followed up
with details of conversations they had years before. That woman remembers every
second of that meeting, and will always remember it as being so special, that
Jean remembered those details about her and her family. That was Jean. That
was how much Jean cared about people. She was one of those rare individuals
who made every person she cared about feel like the most important person in
her life. Please take a moment to speak to Diana or Michele today. What you
will immediately see is that exact same ability mirrored in these kind and caring
women who are her daughters.
Jean, as all of us do, played many, many roles during her life. She was a wife,
mother, grandmother, friend, scientist, business woman, mentor and colleague,
chef and chauffer, artisan and gardener, designer and seamstress, movie critic,
baker and chocolatier, jokester, rescuer, animal lover, and animal trainer,
just to name a few. Oh, and I forgot an important one, motorcycle mama - actually
I think Jean would prefer, biker babe.
But there was one role she wasn't even aware she played…for those of us
who knew and loved her, she was our leader…by that I mean she very quietly
and unassumingly showed us the way by the example of her life. She truly had
no idea of the impact she had on those around her, of how much she was respected
and admired, of how many lives she touched with her kind and gentle spirit.
The story I related a moment ago is only one tiny example. She always shared
whatever she had. Even when her life was full to overflowing with work, or more
recently dealing with her illness, she always made time to help wherever she
could. She never stopped learning, and always strove for excellence. She always
welcomed people with a warm and sincere smile to light up their day. Without
fail she always, always, always showed that she cared.
Another role that Jean carried off very well, and one that she dearly loved
was that of a professional woman. She was strong and efficient, and so proud
to be able to contribute to efforts towards new treatments for disease. Those
of us who worked with her know of her integrity and complete dedication. She
was a consummate professional, bright and energetic, always a source of knowledge,
advice and support. I first met her in 1990 when she joined Burroughs Wellcome,
where she had the cubicle next to mine. My first really clear memory is of a
day very shortly after she came to work with us. She was, as always, impeccably
dressed, slim and beautiful, not a hair out of place, not a wrinkle in sight,
totally professional, quiet and completely focused on her work…always the
epitome of decorum. I'm pretty sure it was a rude awakening for her to be on
the receiving end of cubicle "airmail" that day. Those of you who've
worked in cubicles know about airmail. Anything coming over the top of the cubicle,
that may or may not be heralded by a call of "AIRMAIL" or "INCOMING".
It could be anything: a note about somebody in the room, returning borrowed
office supplies - that could hurt, or our favorite…flying chocolate. Airmail
deliveries stopped when I moved uptown…to an office down the hall, and
shortly after that Jean moved to another department. What continued though was
our friendship. I learned very quickly that first day that under that serious
business demeanor was a great sense of humor and an easy laugh. My kinda guy!
I know the role Jean loved most of all was that of a family woman. She was
devoted to her husband Jim. It was clear to everyone that he was her other half,
her partner, her best friend, just as she was his. They truly completed each
other. She cherished her children and was always bursting with pride for them.
She described them as confident and accomplished women whom she respected and
admired, in addition to loving them madly. Their quiet grace and strength of
character is only matched by that of their Mother's. And she was a typical Granny
who made us listen to her stories and look at pictures of the grandchildren.
Oh, and I have to mention her one great-grandchild! I know I've given you another
assignment already, but do take a moment to look the memory books. Jean, Diana
and Michele put them together over the last year or so. You'll see one particular
picture of Jean holding that great-grandchild and beaming like sunshine. Yes,
she loved her grandchildren, and was always thinking of them. Diana was talking
recently about the care her Mom put into choosing just the right gift for each
child for special occasions, and how she seemed to be successful in doing that
every time. Now that is incredible!
I guess the role though that I'm really most familiar with is that of Jean
as a true and steadfast friend. I still can't believe my luck to have found
her, and to have been counted in her circle of friends! She was very serious
and involved at work, so I'm not sure everyone had an opportunity to appreciate
her wit and humor. She could make a joke and take a joke, and trade insults
with the best of us. Joker and smart aleck that I am, and quick to return a
quip, she could hold her own with me. Shortly after she was diagnosed I asked
her if she lost her hair from the chemotherapy, did she expect her girlfriends
to shave their heads in an act of sisterhood. I must admit I was more than a
little concerned by the amount of time it took her to respond… and her
response didn't actually assuage my worry. When it came, it was, "Well…….
probably not." Jean enjoyed a good laugh, and her laughter made you feel
good too. So, you set out to do things to make her laugh. There were always
little tricks to play, and retaliations to await. Earlier this year, Jim and
Jean went to Hawaii for several weeks. I baby-sat the plants (not the best plan,
by the way!). While at their house I saw their grocery list and added one item…"chocolate
pudding for Donna". Well, she never mentioned the grocery list so I was
a little disappointed at not getting a rise out of her. The week after they
got home, she came to pick me up for coffee or something, and brought a grocery
bag with her. She said, with a completely straight face, that she just wanted
to drop off my gift of macadamia nuts from Hawaii … it was a pretty big
bag, so I'm thinking I have a years supply there - pretty exciting! In the bottom
that bag were not only my macadamia nuts, but also lots and lots of chocolate
pudding AND whipped cream! Bonus! I told her I was only sorry I hadn't written
"new car for Donna" on that list! We laughed and kidded, traded barbs
and made puns, solved the world's problems and shared secrets as good friends
do. We shared birthdays, mine on Oct 9th, hers on the 10th. I will miss her
this year, but will give thanks that she was. And while I will forever miss
her sweet "Hi Donna, It's Jean.", I am thankful to have heard it for
13 years.
I was recently whining to a mutual friend, in my best Scarlet O'Hara…
"Poor me. What shall I do without Jean? Who will go to the blood and guts
movies with me? This is all about me, me, me." Our friend responded, "Well,
perhaps you should consider placing a personal ad." I thought for a moment
about what would it say. NEEDED…GOOD FRIEND…KIND AND NONCRITICAL…THOUGHTFUL
AND CARING…GENTLE AND GIVING…MUST LAUGH AT CORNY JOKES AND LIKE ACTION
/ ADVENTURE MOVIES, AND SHOULDN'T MIND THE OCCASSIONAL GRATUITOUS SEX AND VIOLENCE.
SISSIES NEED NOT APPLY. Our friend's reply was "that's a pretty good ad,
and sounds like a good lead-in for a memorial service.". Well, I decided
to use it as my closing instead. And I've also decided not to place the ad after
all. I don't think this position can ever be filled again. Thank you.
Thank you
Thank you all for coming today, and celebrating the life of Barbara Jean Brooking,
for sharing memories, for sharing tears, for giving thanks that she was.
Please do stay for a while and share more memories, and meet Jean's family
if you haven't done so already.
I'd like to leave you with this:
From a poem "TURN AGAIN TO LIFE" by Mary Lee Hall
If I should die and leave you here awhile,
Be not like others, sore undone, who keep
Long vigils by the silent dust, and weep.
For my sake - turn again to life and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort other hearts than thine.
Complete those dear unfinished tasks of mine
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.
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